Adam
LOL!
you can't pimp out my cuddleacity.
Ryan
haha
I believe that if I'm doing something for you, aka providing for you, that makes me your pimp
Adam
LOL
damnit.
Ryan
haha
love it. you know you want too.
Adam
i don't know what i feel!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Change
In the browser window on the left of my screen, I'm looking at the website of the company that I've been temping for over the past month and a half. On the right, I'm browsing through the website of the company that I'll go to work for next Tuesday.
Change is tough. Even though the road at this temp job hasn't been perfect, It's been interesting and - at some points - fun. My new job is a far better fit, but I'm still having a little impending separation anxiety. What can I say, I get attached easily!
Things around me have changed consistently and drastically for several years. My friend Nick Carter (no, not that one) and I were talking recently, and realized that we'd known each other for over ten years. In that time, I've seen so many things just happen. Divorce, death, change in social groups, one hit after another in school, disappointment, failure, embarrassment... all things that just happened to me and to the people around me.
Now, all sorts of awesome and positive things have happened, too. I moved to Los Angeles, I ended unhealthy relationships, my dad finally found a life that he could be happy in, my remaining family has grown much stronger and I've started to become the person I've always wanted to be.
The difference? The shitty things just happened. The good things have almost always been as a result of a deliberate choice on some one's part to make things better. In essence: shit happens, and you only get out of life exactly what you put in. You have to make things better. You can't just bitch, moan and pray about it.
Since my mom died last November, things have changed more rapidly than they ever have. A lot of these changes have been really amazing and have happened without a direct effort on my part. I've only made a much more concerted effort go get the best out of life. Watching my mom drink herself to death over several years opened my eyes to how quickly everything can go south, and how you have to make an effort on your own to live a healthy and prosperous live. Ultimately, my mom died because she was unhappy. She didn't love herself, and she let herself be defeated by fear instead of going after the things she really wanted in life. Behaviors that I struggle with all the time.
I have to work hard to feel lovable and, ultimately, to love myself. My first responsibility in life is to go after the things I really want and to experience all of the best things I can. The lesson of my mother's death is this: don't let this happen to you. Don't let your dreams die under the pressure of fear. Don't let self doubt and a struggle to feel worthwhile prevent you from assuming the best about yourself and expecting the best out of life and from those you're close too.
You deserve no less.
Change is tough. Even though the road at this temp job hasn't been perfect, It's been interesting and - at some points - fun. My new job is a far better fit, but I'm still having a little impending separation anxiety. What can I say, I get attached easily!
Things around me have changed consistently and drastically for several years. My friend Nick Carter (no, not that one) and I were talking recently, and realized that we'd known each other for over ten years. In that time, I've seen so many things just happen. Divorce, death, change in social groups, one hit after another in school, disappointment, failure, embarrassment... all things that just happened to me and to the people around me.
Now, all sorts of awesome and positive things have happened, too. I moved to Los Angeles, I ended unhealthy relationships, my dad finally found a life that he could be happy in, my remaining family has grown much stronger and I've started to become the person I've always wanted to be.
The difference? The shitty things just happened. The good things have almost always been as a result of a deliberate choice on some one's part to make things better. In essence: shit happens, and you only get out of life exactly what you put in. You have to make things better. You can't just bitch, moan and pray about it.
Since my mom died last November, things have changed more rapidly than they ever have. A lot of these changes have been really amazing and have happened without a direct effort on my part. I've only made a much more concerted effort go get the best out of life. Watching my mom drink herself to death over several years opened my eyes to how quickly everything can go south, and how you have to make an effort on your own to live a healthy and prosperous live. Ultimately, my mom died because she was unhappy. She didn't love herself, and she let herself be defeated by fear instead of going after the things she really wanted in life. Behaviors that I struggle with all the time.
I have to work hard to feel lovable and, ultimately, to love myself. My first responsibility in life is to go after the things I really want and to experience all of the best things I can. The lesson of my mother's death is this: don't let this happen to you. Don't let your dreams die under the pressure of fear. Don't let self doubt and a struggle to feel worthwhile prevent you from assuming the best about yourself and expecting the best out of life and from those you're close too.
You deserve no less.
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