A Letter on Same Sex Marriage, With Thanks

At my current temp job I filter through all of the major and not-as-major papers in California. This morning, I came across a fantastic column from a staff member at the San Francisco Chronicle.

The column is titled, "Everyday life best argument for gay marriage." C.W. Nevius, the writer, is a heterosexual father of a gay 20-something year old man.

It's one thing for a well-spoken (or well-written) homosexual to stand on behalf of the gay community. It's another thing all together when a successful, family-oriented heterosexual man makes that stand.

Homosexuals have, generally speaking, been well organized for the past several years. As a community, gays and lesbians (and other groups that are generally lumped in) have sounded their voices clearly.

Since 2000, more and more heterosexuals, both prominent and ordinary, have begun to step up and show support for their friends and family in the gay community. It's a risk - many of them face opposition that could be detrimental to their livelihoods. That's why I'm so damn thankful that this writer made the bold choice to speak out in support during a time when the state of California is re-visiting gay marriage legislation on the state Supreme Court level.

Here's my message to him:

"A quick thank you for your fantastic piece in the Chronicle this morning. I monitor the papers in California for my company, and happened upon your article. I am a 22 year old independent film/television producer, director, writer, and actor in Los Angeles (this newspaper monitoring thing is a temp job I happen to really enjoy). I moved here a little over a year ago from Northeast Tennessee. Oh! And, I'm gay. I'm lucky, too - my parents have always been supportive. The community I grew up in was split somewhere, but I wouldn't say down the middle. It was small enough and my mom was prominent enough in the community that everyone knew who I was and that I was gay. I spent my teens worrying that being myself openly would ruin my dad's business or my mom's chances in local public office. As it happens, my dad's business is still doing very well. Were my mom still alive, a second or third run at public office would likely have been successful.

Okay, this isn't as quick as I had anticipated. I'll say this: It's heartwarming to read a heterosexual father of a gay son - a father who is obviously successful professionally and thereby can't be inept or excused as atypical - show such open support for not only his son, but his son's community. So many people have no opposition to equal rights for gays and lesbians but don't say anything. It's like that story about the Protestant minister during the Holocaust who didn't speak up when his neighbors were taken away one-by-one for different parts of their identity, only to be left helpless when they came for him. On the other hand, the vocal minority has a fervent passion for exclusion and "correction" of "behaviors."

So, thank you. Thank you for speaking up. Thank you for lending your name, your credibility, and your position to those of us who need people outside of the community almost more than we need each other in order to come out of this truly equal.

You're a hero in my book."